when i look out the window of my life. I remember the darkness and the pain. I wonder will anybody besides a counselor help me. Will anybody take the risk? You can only do so much in a hour time slot every two weeks! I am sick of the hands off attitude i get from some people who act like i'm so far gone they can't help me. That's bullshit! I thought I was suppose to have prayer ministry with the counseling? I guess that was an april fools joke, don't worry i never believed it when I was told it. I know what your thinking hes bitter about this, not really since i never believed it in the first place.
i have been having a really hard time with my friends death and only one person has asked me if they could pray for me and they didn't even know what was bothering me until i sent them a message the next day, how sad is that, i guess posting about it online was a worthless object lesson. I didn't want to sob in front of everybody at church so i turned her down, i guess when you get laughed at and mocked for crying as a kid its a powerful deterrent to crying in public.
I have always wondered why people at my church do not invite me over or call me. I have no clue, since i really do not talk about my k-12 yrs or college years here, so its curious to me why people don't seem to be interested in me, i guess i'm not the popular or cool choice, oh well, to each his own.
the sentiments in this post can change and i hope that they do because i want people to love me and not shy away from me and i hope some of the things in it challenge people and if it offends you good that was one of the purposes of me writing it....
if your reading this and you go to my church i'll see you on friday. if your wondering i have no plans to leave the church because i don't know where i else i could go to find a body that is so loving, i just wish that a lot of times they would show me more love. i didn't feel like going to church today (april 14th) so i went to east town mall instead and sat for close to two hours.
i have been having a really hard time with my friends death and only one person has asked me if they could pray for me and they didn't even know what was bothering me until i sent them a message the next day, how sad is that, i guess posting about it online was a worthless object lesson. I didn't want to sob in front of everybody at church so i turned her down, i guess when you get laughed at and mocked for crying as a kid its a powerful deterrent to crying in public.
I have always wondered why people at my church do not invite me over or call me. I have no clue, since i really do not talk about my k-12 yrs or college years here, so its curious to me why people don't seem to be interested in me, i guess i'm not the popular or cool choice, oh well, to each his own.
the sentiments in this post can change and i hope that they do because i want people to love me and not shy away from me and i hope some of the things in it challenge people and if it offends you good that was one of the purposes of me writing it....
if your reading this and you go to my church i'll see you on friday. if your wondering i have no plans to leave the church because i don't know where i else i could go to find a body that is so loving, i just wish that a lot of times they would show me more love. i didn't feel like going to church today (april 14th) so i went to east town mall instead and sat for close to two hours.
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