Monday, December 31, 2012

wishes for the new year

what will the new year bring? a job... it would be nice.  a girlfriend, that would be cool, since i get so bored. I might be asking to much but hopefully i will be in an apartment instead of my parents house.  finally, that my emotional healing would continue and that roots of some of the problems i have (insomnia, etc) would be exposed.

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Sunday, December 23, 2012

Merry Christmas 2012

Christmas is not about presents, lights, or being around family whether you like them or not, its about jesus christ's birth. so merry christmas!!!!

The best christmas I have had is yet to come.
The worst was years ago when my family had a funeral on christmas eve because my aunts second husband passed away, that really sucked.  Plus the church was so freakin' hot.

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my 150th post

Monday, December 17, 2012

year in review

i started this blog on dec 18, 2011
facebook fan page
top 10 posts
texas chainsaw massacre  i have no clue why this got so many hits
august 21, 2012
casualties of war
he plead guilty
duck amuck
a watershed moment
movie notebook database soon the second one will be posted
ripped from the headlines
carrie
10 a tool to scream

top 10 countries
1 usa
2 russia
3 ukraine
4 u.k.
5 germany
6 latvia
7 australia
8 netherlands
9 france
10 china
total countries 32

top 10 labels
1 writings
2 dvd reviews
3 looney tunes golden collection volume 1
4 ben & jerrys reviews
5 2000+ films
6 chuck jones
7 drama
8 lyrics
9 bugs bunny
10 opinions

posts 147
comments 1 (i would like more...)
subscribers 1 (the other deleted his account so i'm not counting him)
hits 1959

Friday, December 14, 2012

a dark night

“Yes, we even doubted Hitler’s resolve to exterminate us.”  The sad fact is that Jews and others did not take the threat seriously.

When you are facing death you have to cling to hope, even to the last moment.  This fact is a reality.  When you fail to do this you become a victim of hopelessness.

“The road was endless.  When the SS were tired, they were replaced.  But no one replaced us.”  I heard a similar sentiment from a Christian (rip) who survived the bataan death march.  In both, instances cruelty and hate were ever present.

“I saw myself in every stiffened corpse.”  This statement speaks a reality that I hope I never experience in my life.

“Neutrality helps the oppressor, never the victim.”  I guess the Swiss government and banks wouldn’t like this statement with them taking so much of the Nazi’s stuff.  In addition, I guess apathetic Christians wouldn’t like this statement either; it might shatter their rosy picture of life. In other words, if you’re “neutral” you’re just working for the enemy and you’re their victim without realizing it; you just might be ignorant of that fact.  Well, sorry to burst your bubble but your ignorance just ended with this paragraph.

----------
all quotes by elie wiesel from his book Night.

Thursday, December 13, 2012

darrens letter

The day was a normal day for me as a 7th grader.  I went to locust grove mennonite, even though i am not mennonite.  I can't exactly remember what i was doing that day all i remember is darren calling me ugly and me bursting into tears, it hurt a lot because it hadn't happened in a couple years.

I just want to say to darren who i do not have a clue as to what happened to him.  That I forgive you for calling me a hurtful name.  I also forgive you for speaking a lie over me when you called me ugly.

Now darren, I apologize to you for getting angry at you and basically hating you afterwards.

the end

Tuesday, December 11, 2012

carmel cone

yep, i've been a very naughty boy. I guess that's what happens when you see haagen dazs ice cream cheaper than ben and jerries. this ice cream is the best ice cream i have eaten in a long time.

9/10

Thursday, December 6, 2012

walmart run

I was bored and it was 11pm so i went to walmart.  Yep, I'm adventurous.  When I went in the store, I went over to the magazines and was looking at a book on dreams.  When I started to leave the magazine section I heard the lyrics of song that said "hallelujah, hallelujah the king is here" which was really odd. When i got over to the food, picked some stuff out - two haagen-dazs ice creams and microwavable quesadillas - and left after i purchased them.

Tuesday, December 4, 2012

the cd incident

The day was like any other day in my sophomore year of high school.  During those years, 9 & 10th grades my brother took me to school.  That particular day was different because my brother's cruelty showed up.  I opened the car door got in and he called me ugly... i had been called this my whole childhood and hadn't been called it in years.  I flipped out in the car and tried to destroy his cd player.  He reacted by punching me in the face.  I went inside crying and my mother took me to school.  When I got to school I found out that i had been "beaten up," apparently one punch is all it takes according to an older brother.  I corrected the kid who told me of my so-called "beating."  My mother screamed at him when he got home.

I just wanted to say to my brother that I forgive you for calling me ugly.  I also forgive you for punching me and for spreading gossip about me.

I also forgive the kid who told me of my "beating."

Now i want to apologize to my brother for reacting and getting angry when you called me ugly.  In addition, I apologize for being immature when i tried to destroy the cd player.  I should have just gotten out of the car and went inside.

I hope some day to be able to say this to my brother about this and other incidents between us but at this moment we really do not have much of a relationship.

Thursday, November 29, 2012

the evil dead (1983)

the rating is underneath the dvd cover.


original rating 7/10
new rating 1/10
overall rating 4/10




Wednesday, November 21, 2012

a tool to scream

goodbye, they breath but can not scream
they have no tools to build voices
they wait in fetal position
martyrs on alters of mistakes
the martyr
they have not the tools to scream
they are just the ones upon alters of mistake
there is no safe place
the martyr

by zao


Thursday, November 15, 2012

thankful

i am really thankful for how loving the people are at my small group both current and past, because it has had a huge impact on my life.

in other news on sunday i bent a dvd in half (boxcar bertha), that caused me to fall into sexual sin, man did i get pissed off afterwards, i hated the movie so it wasn't like it was some big lost to me.

yep, this is a short post. the end.

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Tuesday, November 6, 2012

dreaming of fish

"I'll bring you more fish than you ever dreamed of."  I wonder if Christians had this attitude how are world would be changed.  The sad reality is some Christians just care about themselves.

"Jesus, lady, where's the passion in your life?"  The lady answers that her kids are her passion.  I wonder what your passion is and how it influences your life.

quotes from the perfect storm

Sunday, October 28, 2012

when the comedy stops

i haven't seriously written comedy in over a year. you may wonder why, well, this may shock some but i really struggle with whether or not the stuff i write is funny.  yep, i have weak confidence when in truth my confidence should be sky high but sadly that isn't the case at this juncture of my life.  I trust God will give me confidence that i don't have now.  then, there is the whole mental block thing were i get to a certain point and don't know where to go with things. an example, of this is a thing i have dubbed "my conspiracy."  I have a couple ideas for this, jfk (two paragraphs, beg & ending), humpty dumpty (no paragraphs), a happy home (i got that idea in a worship service, no paragraphs), and infusing verses from proverbs (a recent idea) into the storyline. the bible verse thing it has to be funny or have a point in the story i'm just not going to quote bible verses just because i can, since its comedy not a sermon.  frankly, if you want to be preached at go to church.  There could be other obvious things like aliens or bigfoot but my goal is to do things with this that are not common (see happy home) and that are very original.  I am not really frustrated in a sense because its not like i'm going to be doing an open mic somewhere soon.  however, in another sense it is frustrating because i believe i am very funny and know that i can do this both writing and performing comedy since i have done it in the past (improv comedy at my old church) whether its my conspiracy or something else i am trying to write because i know i have a gift and i don't want to squander it.  when i write comedy my goal is get my sarcasm, dry humor, and my ability to be a 'smartass' on paper.  this sounds hard and it is, trust me. in addition, i rarely post comedy on this site because as far as i can tell there is no way for me to copyright it, since i don't want to turn on the tv someday and see something i have written being performed by somebody else.

Thursday, October 25, 2012

jeremiah 15:19-21 (ch 15)

jeremiah 15:19-21

19 Therefore this is what the Lord says:
“If you repent, I will restore you
    that you may serve me;
if you utter worthy, not worthless, words,
    you will be my spokesman.
Let this people turn to you,
    but you must not turn to them.
20 I will make you a wall to this people,
    a fortified wall of bronze;
they will fight against you
    but will not overcome you,
for I am with you
    to rescue and save you,”
declares the Lord.
21 “I will save you from the hands of the wicked
    and redeem you from the grasp of the cruel.”


the nasb version

Therefore, thus says the Lord,
If you return, then I will restore you—
Before Me you will stand;
And if you extract the precious from the worthless,
You will become My spokesman.
They for their part may turn to you,
But as for you, you must not turn to them.
20 “Then I will make you to this people
A fortified wall of bronze;
And though they fight against you,
They will not prevail over you;
For I am with you to save you
And deliver you,” declares the Lord.
21 “So I will deliver you from the hand of the wicked,
And I will redeem you from the grasp of the violent.”


Wednesday, October 24, 2012

jeremiah 10:11-16 (ch 10)

jeremiah 10:11-16

11 “Tell them this: ‘These gods, who did not make the heavens and the earth, will perish from the earth and from under the heavens.’”
12 But God made the earth by his power;
    he founded the world by his wisdom
    and stretched out the heavens by his understanding.
13 When he thunders, the waters in the heavens roar;
    he makes clouds rise from the ends of the earth.
He sends lightning with the rain
    and brings out the wind from his storehouses.
14 Everyone is senseless and without knowledge;
    every goldsmith is shamed by his idols.
His images are a fraud;
    they have no breath in them.
15 They are worthless, the objects of mockery;
    when their judgment comes, they will perish.
16 He who is the Portion of Jacob is not like these,
    for he is the Maker of all things,
including Israel, the tribe of his inheritance
    the Lord Almighty is his name.

Monday, October 22, 2012

1:15 am

i'm bored, so what else is new.  i could go outside but it is cold outside.  i could call one of my old friends before i went to johnstown (07-08).  that's a joke.  i'm sure that would be awkward.  i haven't seen them in over 4 years.  i've always wondered if i did something and that's why after i came back from school they didn't want to have anything to do with me.  i hope i'm not bitter about that that but it was upsetting, since i never understood it.  when people blow you off whether its excuses given to you in fb messages or them never bothering to call you back its upsetting.  i have tried off and on for over 4 years to get together with these people and i have had no success which has made me question everything from the past. 

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Friday, October 19, 2012

sentenced

you can read my two other posts: ripped from the headlines and he plead guilty about this subject.

my former home room teacher mr. geyer got 3-9 years for molesting those korean kids which i think is a joke.  The sentence is too light and basically a slap on the wrist. I think its a shame.

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Tuesday, October 16, 2012

i'm broke fyi

September 27

Devotional Title
Christlike Conduct: The Goal of Christian Faith

"You see that his faith and actions were working together, and his faith was made complete by what he did." - james 2:22

This verse is talking about Abraham's faith when he offered, Isaac (his son) up for sacrifice.

 "Rightly understood, faith is not a substitute for moral conduct but a means to it."  In James 2:17 it says, in the same way, faith by itself, if it is not accompanied by action is dead.  This concept is in scripture, an example is James 2:14-26.

"It is much easier to pray that a poor friend's needs maybe supplied than to supply them!"  I know this from personal experience.  Plenty of people have prayed that I get a job which I appreciate.  However, I have never had somebody walk up to me and give me money because it was on their heart.  I think that this would blew me away.  This has never happened and i'm not trying to put a guilt trip on anybody but to me it would be so encouraging and nice.  Plus, think of the testimony it would give to my parents and grandfather.  I have been unemployed for over 4 years and basically everytime i ask my grandfather for gas money - god help me if i ask for money to go to do something fun - i get a whiny attitude which gets old real quick.  Plus, he acts like he's so poor when he is in fact rich.  He also seems to enjoy rubbing this into my face which i really don't like since i thought i was going to get hired right after i graduated in 2008.  I'm sure he knows that it's offensive but I hold my tongue because I want to have a good christian testimony to him.  Finally, if you read what I just wrote and hand me money on Sunday or some other day and its out of guilt I do not want your money because i do not want a guilt offering.  Frankly, if you have that attitude you are no better than my grandfather.  I should say that i try not to ask my parents for money because were basically poor middle class people, you wouldn't probably be able to tell it if you came into our house but its the truth.

Thursday, October 11, 2012

broken tree

maybe the limbs of a broken tree will heal themselves in time
or maybe the limbs from that broken tree will petrify......
hard as stone.
as I peel back the layers I find things I never knew were there
and as I listen to my prayers I hear myself confused and scared.
this broken tree feels like it's part of me somehow controlling
my destiny.
has the seed of a broken promise decided what I will be?
and I, left to myself can only hope to survive.
and I, left to myself can only slowly die.

how long will I drift? would I not know the difference?
have I weathered so long that I've been shaped by this ocean?
will the legacy live on in me? like father, like son?
I don't believe that what I am is determined by what
precedes me.
and now I have to realize that the past is not my future
and in Christ I'm a brand new creature.

and I, left to myself can only hope to survive.
and I, left to myself can only slowly die.
but given grace I know I can,
given grace I can learn to forgive.
in the face of all of this.
given grace I can truly live.

by six feet deep
from the album, "the road less traveled"

Thursday, October 4, 2012

with one accord in one place

“The truth of the Holy Spirit is not central in Christian doctrine.”  So I guess the Holy Spirit is just Harvey the Rabbit’s cousin (movie reference).  The only difference is the Holy Spirit doesn’t have big floppy ears.  The sad fact is people treat the Holy Spirit like Harvey.  I’m sorry but if you believe the opening statement’s “truth” you must also believe that smurfette is every man’s ideal woman.  If you are that ignorant slapping you would not help, it would just reinforce your beliefs.  The Holy Spirit is central because the Holy Spirit is a part of the trinity which means three in one not two and three-quarters in one or two and a half in one. (quote page 29)

The Norway revivals in 37-38 were glorious and wholesome meetings, with little that was crazy or weird (50).  I’m not here to judge whether revival meetings in the 30’s were pleasing to the Lord.  However, when the term, wholesome is used, I think of food not moves of the Holy Spirit.  When Jesus hung out with prostitutes and tax collectors, he wasn’t thinking about their wholesomeness, he was thinking about their pain and loving them.  In addition, saying its wholesome is another way to say your playing it safe with the Holy Spirit.  Plus, saying that its wholesome suggests that if it gets weird or crazy that it would not be good when in fact the opposite can be true.  In addition, if gets crazy or weird that doesn’t mean that what is happening is not from the Lord. (revivals mentioned were mainly lutheran)

the end.

ps the first paragraph is referencing the movie harvey which is about an invisible bunny, james stewart's character has a one way conversation through the whole movie with this bunny.

 

Wednesday, October 3, 2012

election year

election year

It's election year
And the circus is in town
It's time to pick a winner from
The line of clowns
They tell stories
They do tricks
You thought it was joke
But it's politics
Republican or Democrat
You're the same to me
Back stabbing, blame shifting
Political parties
Did you buy your stance
At a speech writer's store?
'Cause it's a fresh suit and smile
But i've heard it all before
Who will be our leader
In the four years to come?
And who will follow after when
His damage is done?
Who will do their duty?
Who will do their job?
Who will let us know
When we've all been robbed?
Corruption is the way
They get things done
Don't you know it's how
The West was won
If there is a good man
Who won't be bought
I bet my bottom dollar
That he'll end up shot
They passify  the masses
With believable lies
When's the middle class
Gonna realize
That we pay our taxes
So candidates can dine
They do lunch
While we stand in line
So make your promises
And say your speeches
Time will tell
And history teaches
The moment's coming up
The time is drawing near
I guess we'll know the truth
After election year

by crash dog

Tuesday, October 2, 2012

fiction ratings 4

pirate latitudes by michael crichton 5/10
the shack by william young 8/10
world war z by max brooks 5/10

18/30
60%



  
       

Tuesday, September 25, 2012

psalm 52:8-9 (ch 52)

psalm 52:8-9

But I am like an olive tree
    flourishing in the house of God;
I trust in God’s unfailing love
    for ever and ever.
For what you have done I will always praise you
    in the presence of your faithful people.
And I will hope in your name,
    for your name is good.

a great verse that expresses how I feel about what has happened in my life in the last couple of months.

other o.t. posts
1 kings 8:22-53



Monday, September 24, 2012

counterfeit miracles, signs and wonders

september 23

Devotional title
God Would save us from spiritual delusion by a.w. tozer

my attempt at what I thought about this short devotional.

"The coming of the lawless one will be in accordance with the work of Satan displayed in all kinds of counterfeit miracles, signs and wonders." - 2 Thessalonians 2:9

I think it is important to point out that Mr. Tozer never says in this devotional that the gifts of the Spirit have ceased.  In fact, in other devotionals he questions why the church is so afraid of the Holy Spirit.  I have an idea of why the church is afraid of the Holy Spirit.  We do not want to be uncomfortable.  We like are cozy little rituals.  We like "proper" worship, and we like pointing it out to people whose churches according to us are not doing it in a "proper" way.  Yea, who cares about the homeless down the street, as long as we get our point across.  This devotional is more about discernment and by doing the things listed in the last paragraph how you can tell if a miracle, sign or wonder is real or not.

Mr. Tozer says, "so skilled is error at imitating truth that the two are constantly being mistaken for each other."  How do we avoid this pitfall, so we know truth as truth and a lie as a lie?  Read your bible its that simple.  I know I am captain obvious but some people treat their bibles like their museum pieces which is sad.

"It is therefore critically important that the christian take full advantage of every provision God has made to save him from delusion."  What are some of these provisions?  First, faith is a provision.  "The righteous will live by faith" (habakkuk 2:4).  Second, humility is a provision.  "When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with humility comes wisdom" (proverbs 11:2).  Third, obedience is a provision.  In Deuteronomy 13:4 it says: It is the Lord your God you must follow, and him you must revere.  Keep his commands and obey him; serve him and hold fast to him.  Fourth, prayer is a provision.  Philippians 4:6 says - Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your request to God.  In addition, three other things are mentioned but I'm only going to list them: meditation on the bible, asking the Holy Spirit for illumination, and serious thought.

the end
125th post

Friday, September 21, 2012

a faulty lecture

When people think they have wisdom its important to understand their view of ‘wisdom’ and how they define it.  Mr. Pausch says this about his brand of wisdom: I had the feeling that I had more in me, that if I gave my all, I might be able to offer something special (6).  So this professor’s wisdom is special according to him.  Let’s be clear this wisdom is humanistic since he never mentions a higher power or anything close to it.  The fact is I can say his wisdom is without God because he never mentions a Christian faith in The Last Lecture.  He in one line mentions he grew up Presbyterian but that’s like saying you’re a Jew or Catholic it means nothing without fruit.  An example of fruit in the book would be how his faith affected people in his life and the change it caused but there is none of that.  In addition, saying you have a pastor means nothing, if you do not explain the pastor’s beliefs.  Further, he says in The Last Lecture that he didn’t mention faith in his talk so he wouldn’t offend anyone.  Woo hoo, Charlie Brown way to be a coward.  What didn’t you want Lucy to take you to the p.c. police?  What did you miss the football so much it dulled your senses?  Give me a break!  Hell, I would have respected Dr. Pausch if he would at least said, “I’m a Hindu, Jew or Whatever.”  Instead we get a bunch of narcissistic thoughts on wisdom.  I guess he missed this in his college reading:  even a fool is thought wise if he keeps silent, and discerning if he holds his tongue (proverbs 17:20).

“I’d been yearning to find ways to leave a legacy for the kids” from the Last Lecture (9).  I respect that and I hope you did (videos, recorded messages, etc), since you have been dead for over 4 years.  However, I hope your kids don’t follow your path when expressing their faith.  I hope they find Christ.

When we arrive in life and die it’s an accident (13).  I’m sure when the Jews entered the gas chambers, they thought the same thing.  The Nazi’s were kings of “accidents.”  Sarcasm aside, the Nazi’s planned their massacre with cold brutality – mass murder doesn’t happen by accident.  I guess this statement – for you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb – is inconvenient and trivial.  I guess Moses hitting the rock out of anger and dying before entering the promise land was a coincidence.  When Judas stabbed Jesus in the back and sold him out for thirty pieces of silver.  His first thought before his neck broke was I’m accident prone.  I suspect Randy took Darwinism 101… nope that was another accident.  I guess your death was an accident.  Cancer had nothing to do with it.  The fact is life and death is not accidental.  In Ecclesiastes, it says “a time to be born and a time to die.”  If you see accident in that your blind.  Plus in it says in Job 14:5 - a person's days are determined; you have decreed the number of months and have set limits he cannot exceed.

“It’s easy to look smart when you’re parroting smart people” from the Last Lecture page fifty-three.  That may be so but that doesn’t make it right.  What happens if those people are wrong; what if their just brainwashing you?  I’ll tell you, you’ll think everything is fine and fail to realize the danger you’re facing.

An idea in this book is how important a positive attitude is in life.  This belief is true in that if you’re negative all the time it will hurt your health and relationships.  However, being positive without God in your life is concealed vanity and a positive attitude will not save you only Christ’s atonement will.

“Time is all you have (111)” according to Mr. Pausch.  The problem with this statement is time is temporal.  Humans think of time in life spans.  Like 80-years is a long life.  However, in the Old Testament (or Torah) people lived a lot longer.  Enosh 905-years (ge 5:9-11), Mahalel 895-years (ge 5:15-17), and Lamech 777-years (ge 5:28-31) are just a few examples.  Those time lengths are long compared to today’s really long lives, like 120-years.  Still they are not long in God’s eyes.  I may be called crazy or smart by saying this but God’s idea of time and humanities idea of time does not match up.  Since God created time (Ge 1:3-5) and by giving us the choice of accepting or rejecting his Son’s sacrifice.  We all have the opportunity of living beyond what humans’ understand as time (rev 21).  When we embrace Jesus and his death and believe that he rose again and that his blood cleanses us of sin, then that opportunity is fulfilled.  However, when we reject that sacrifice we get sent to a lake that burns forever and we can’t escape (rev 20:14-15).  Death is not the end it is just the beginning.  You do not have to agree and I’m not pointing this out to condemn people, I’m doing it because it is the truth.

Dr. Pausch thinks that living your life you should live it the right way (206).  What does this mean?  In the world’s system ‘right’ is subjective.  For instance what’s right for you might not be right for me and according to the world that’s fine and dandy.  The world loves it when lines are blurred to the point of it being unrecognizable.  However, as a follower of Christ I realize the importance of absolute truth.  That means that truth is not subjective but black and white.  This makes some people uncomfortable, because it means that if the bible says its wrong, its wrong, whether they like it or not.  Christian’s lives shouldn’t be about moral ambiguity it should be about following the truth.

“If you lead your life the right way, the karma will take care of itself (206).”  So I get it if I’m a nice guy and do not mock deaf people for their dance moves.  I win a car and get to marry a hottie!  Yipee!  What, there are goons who say I did this (mock deaf people) in Atlanta?  Those freckled faced knapsack loving misogynist pigs!  Oink, oink, Porky!  No wonder omertà isn’t embraced by spineless turncoats!   I called you comrades, when you were just little boys who played with little guns.  You better call the police and the morgue because I’m going get dangerous!  I’m going to make some bacon and think of you.  Then, I turned on the news and discovered that karma is a delusion.  Wow, I am no longer a fool.

As a Christian I can not believe in karma since they do not mix.  Since Jesus said (paraphrase), that the rain and sun falls on the good and the bad (mt 5:45).  I fail to see circular vengeance in what Jesus said.  So the whole “what comes around, goes around” is just another crack pot idea.  Does oil and water mix?  I think not and neither does Christianity and karma.  However, I do find it sad when ignorant Christians act like karma and Christianity do mix.  That belief is like throwing water on a grease fire and like a dumbass expecting it to go out.  Why would you embrace a Hindu (India religious belief) belief?  You tell me!  I would hope that you realize your error and walk away from it.

the end.

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Tuesday, September 18, 2012

ballot box bunny

directed by fritz freleng 1951

"As I stand on this platform, I stand for union.  Union Suits and union stations for the little people.  There's enough fresh air and sunshine in this great country of ours for everybody.  And I'll see to it that you get your share.  And I'll keep my promise to rid this country of every last rabbit." - yosemite sam


"Shut Off that cutie box, I can't hear myself a-speeching." - yosemite sam

"And besides I love babies!  Show me babies!  Lots of babies!" - yosemite sam

"I'm just wild about children!" - yosemite sam

"The bad man bit my little nose." - bugs bunny

"Step up, gents, big hearted sam is giving away cigars because he loves the people." - yosemite sam

"Let good old sam light it for you." - yosemite sam

"St. Louis?  Emma!  Emma, here's your sammy boy!  Same old emma.  Full of laughs." - yosemite sam

"You stupid rabbit!  Like this!" - yosemite sam

Thursday, September 13, 2012

numb

numb - devoid of emotion

Pain is not fun.  When people cause it and seem to enjoy it, its sickening.  I encountered a lot of these people growing up, I seemed to attract them.  They didn’t seem to care that I had feelings.

Their came a point were my emotions just seemed to die.  The funeral happened in my teen years and I was the only guest.  The flowers at my emotional grave rotted away and I was content since you don’t feel anything when you’re living a lie. This lie breed apathy in me but still some nights I would stay up half the night angry over what had happened to me (teasing, surgeries, etc).  The more years that passed, the less and less, this happened, eventually it stopped. 

Well, the heartache has returned and with it the emotions.  Why, did it return?  God has taken and still is taking my ability to hide behind a mask.  This is scary for me, sometimes I feel like I’m going to be found out.  My heart gets heavy and I don’t know what to do since I don’t remember having to deal with this when I was a kid.  I cried recently over some things which will remain private since I’m not here to bash people.  Plus, they might not even know that they hurt me.  This may sound weird to some people but I’m glad this has happened since its proof that God is really changing me and working in my life.

Monday, September 10, 2012

the girl that got away

I can't tell you her name or age.  I can tell you that she went to a different bible college than me.  We met on a mission’s trip to ocean city maryland in the early 2000's.  We had great chemistry.  I am pretty sure she liked me, I know I liked her.  She was blond and pretty.  This was one of those mission trip bondings that never bore any romantic fruit since I forgot to get her contact information.  I know some people might laugh at me for this but it wasn't funny at the time.  A couple years passed before I had peace about this "mistake."  Since time has passed, I'm not really interested in dating a long lost love.  Though I would love to see her just to catch up and talk about our lives since that summer.

ps. I do have a picture of this girl in a team photo from that trip it's just not online anywhere.

another black tablet writing
it hurt

Friday, September 7, 2012

reverence

you're wonderful, i'm powerless in your arms
you've shown me love, in the surrounds of hate
and restored my strength
and i proclaim my life is yours
so break my will
and surely not in vain,
i keep my life pure
for great is my reward

by overcome
I love this song, because they play it acoustically but scream the lyrics, gives me the chills.  you can feel the passion which is unique.
















other overcome songs:
when beauty dies

Tuesday, August 28, 2012

the decision

I use to cry a lot when I was a kid.  Then, one day when i was between the ages of 11-13 i decided that i would never cry again.  i guess being called a crybaby basically your whole childhood has a negative effect.  Since that day i have only cried 3 times.  I don't think i know how to cry anymore.  this doesn't mean that i think i'm incapable of crying.  I get upset about things, i'm very emotional, people just don't realize it.  Personally, I think sometimes people mistake my emotion for something else, what that is you would have to ask them.  since i don't want to put words into peoples mouths.  I just can't seem to lose it when sometimes i probably should... that is changing.

Friday, August 24, 2012

perfect

perfect

let it take hold
we have perverted. destroyed the truth
exchanged for a slant or fiction that feeds the part of me
that will become the darkest place of all
one thought one word spoken
all of this exist unto you
in everything i believe and see that confirms  the love
we have perverted. destroyed the truth
exchanged for a fabrication
this hope that lies within exposed for all to see
let it take hold
i choose a perfect way
in everything i believe and see that confirms the love
can i receive this gift never ceasing?
this hope that lies with in. let it take hold

by living sacrifice

Wednesday, August 22, 2012

walkout (neptune diner)

I just have to say that this post is not meant to bash neptune diner in lancaster city its probably the best diner in lancaster county, the food is awesome. 

However, as a person who is farely loyal to that diner.  I found it mildly annoying today that first i sit down at my booth and have to wait 15 or so minutes for a waiter to come.  Further, the diner was not really busy, just for your information.  When this lady comes i ask for water and i don't get it.  I am sitting there thinking what's taking so long.  Five or so minutes pass and i see this same lady get the coffee mug and walk into the back.  Ten minutes later I left the diner and went to mcdonalds.  I never said anything to anybody in the diner because i was a little peeved.

Tuesday, August 21, 2012

a brevity of sin

not the way its supposed to be: a brevity of sin
by cornelius plantinga, jr

this will be rewritten
9/10

Friday, August 17, 2012

c.l.

ho hum...

i printed out my first cover letter since late march today, yep, i rock. the letter is for a medical billing office, i don't want to say the company since i don't need this site to be found by employers. 

Monday, August 13, 2012

my ankle issues

my ankle moved during prayer april 14th. they prayed for it for half an hour

april 19th they prayed for my ankle again and it moved again
---------
written aug 13th

my ankle seemingly has gotten better on its own, i guess time was what i need for it to get better.  I am happy about this since i can walk now with no pain.  thank you Lord and thanks to those of you who prayed!

the only annoying thing is sometimes if i walk to much my foot will start to hurt as soon as that happens i go inside.

ps. i injured my ankle walking outside -- it's been about a year since the injury.

Friday, August 10, 2012

the dark knight rises

too long and overrated, plus batman takes a vacation most of the movie. yea if you don't like my view of the movie, go suck on a rock.

Wednesday, August 8, 2012

Friday, August 3, 2012

rocky road-ish

I normally hate rocky road ice cream but in this case its great.  This is a different interpretation of rocky road that i really liked.  My favorite part was the chocolate covered almonds which i thought was brilliant.

7/10

Thursday, August 2, 2012

mosquito love

my legs are all itchy because mosquito's love me.  I do not like their adoration, I hate it.  They really liked my ankles this time, the bastards.  mosquitos are like politicians the only difference is they don't talk.  they just suck my blood, i should put signs on my legs that say dinner and walk around the yard with a dinner bell.

Tuesday, July 31, 2012

bully for bugs

1953 directed by chuck jones

"This don't look like the coachella valley to me." - bugs bunny

"Stop steaming up my tail!  What are you trying to do wrinkle it?" - bugs bunny

Friday, July 27, 2012

chocolate therapy

really good, i loooooove this kind of therapy. its so tasty and yummy in my chocolate lovin' tummy!















9/10

Monday, July 23, 2012

Tuesday, July 17, 2012

bunker hill bunny

1950 directed by fritz freleng

"Yoo-hoo, mister enemy!" - bugs bunny

"You ornery fur-bearing rebel!  You'll pay for this!" - yosemite sam

"I'm a hessian without no aggression." - yosemite sam

Tuesday, July 10, 2012

the avengers

I thought this movie was pretty good but not great.  Personally, I think its overrated.

Monday, July 9, 2012

fiction 3

Death and the penguin by andrey kurkov 6/10

60%

Saturday, July 7, 2012

baseball bugs

1946 directed by fritz freleng

"I think I'll perplex him with my slow ball." - bugs bunny

"Watch me paste this pathetic palooka with a powerful, paralyzing, perfect, pachydermous percussion pitch." - bugs bunny

Friday, July 6, 2012

it hurt

When you told me I was ugly.  When I was a child, it hurt a lot.  When you called me crooked face, it hurt a lot.  When you would ridicule me just because it was fun it hurt.  When people laugh it is not fun being the joke.  When you mocked me because of where I lived it showed your ignorance and racist tendencies.  When girls mocked me for sitting next to them or told their friends that they pitied them that they had to sit next to me on the bus or in school it shows how vile girls can be at Christian Schools.

ps. i wrote most of this over a month ago...

Thursday, June 28, 2012

casualties of war (1989)

"You survive the nam, you get to live forever man." - clarke

  If your looking for a Vietnam movie that is hard to watch and disturbing, this is for you.  What a better way to spend your afternoon, then watching a film based around a rape incident.  I know your going to run me over at blockbuster.  Brian De Palma had the odious task of directing this material.  He doesn’t disappoint, its good in a sense that it tells a true story but it lacks something that fails to make it great.  The female lead is great; you can feel her terror and pain.  Sean Penn as Sergeant Meserve is evil and believable.  His performance is amazing.  Fox is good as Eriksson but at times he sounds whiny and I kept thinking of family tides.  De Palma should have realized this and cast somebody else or waited a couple of years before making the film.  Then, we get to the part of the movie where we realize Eriksson’s been dreaming the whole time.  Really, can you say cop-out?  How about cliché?  What a stupid ending to a movie!
  Casualties of war, has some good extras.  Eriksson’s war is a good interview with Michael J. Fox.  A half hour documentary about the film is included, it is interesting.  Finally, five deleted scenes are included; none of these are remarkable.

6/10


Monday, June 25, 2012

birthday gifts

 

i also bought 20 hitchcock movies for $5 its actually 16 movies, its his early movies (20-30's) at target. two of the movies are repeats and two aren't movies their alfred hitckcock present episodes. so know i have over 30 of his films because i have another collection that was a lot more expensive. 

cds

books

movies i saw at the theater:
prometheus
three stooges

plus 3 flavors of ben & jerry's ice cream

Thursday, June 21, 2012

he plead guilty

this is a follow up post to ripped from the headlines (link).

my former homeroom teacher mr. geyer plead guilty yesterday to molesting 3 korean boys. yep, its disqusting and gross.  gives me the creeps...

read about it here: http://lancasteronline.com/article/local/673329_Former-Lancaster-Mennonite-administrator-pleads-guilty-in-sex-case.html

Wednesday, June 20, 2012

haredevil hare

1948 directed by chuck jones

"I'm going to blow up the earth." - marvin the martian

Monday, June 18, 2012

the three stooges

This movie was bad, probably, the worst film i have seen in a theater since alien vs predator, horrible. I was expecting a funny movie, what i got was a story i didn't care about and a bland form of comedy. Ps. including the jersey shore tv show into the movie was lame and stupid.


 

Friday, June 15, 2012

prometheus


this film is a so called prequel to alien but to me it was convoluted.  There were parts that were excellent like the beginning, and the end.  There were other parts that weren't so great like the one guy who kills a bunch of people, and I never knew you could cut open your abdominal wall and walk afterwards.  As a self-described alien fanatic overall this film is better than alien 3 (any movie is better than that pile of crap), and alien resurrection but it is not in the same league as alien, or aliens which is disappointing since i was expecting a lot more from ridley scott.  As an origin story it is average at best not great which is annoying.

Tuesday, June 12, 2012

blueberry cheesecake

I liked the graham crackers in the ice cream, i normally avoid cheesecake ice creams but i thought this one was excellent.

9/10




other ben & jerry reviews

Friday, June 8, 2012

the cell (2000)

This film is disturbing but I think this was done on purpose.  Mind control doesn’t work as this film clearly demonstrates.  Horror, suspense, and weirdness are used to show this in the film.  If your interested in the plot look it up on imdb.  The actors are good in this film.  This picture has some cool special effects which includes the horse scene, its twisted.  A warning this movie has a lot of stylized violence and disturbing scenes, it is not for the timid.

The dvd has some interesting extras.  First, two trailers of the movie are included.  Then, an isolated score is included which is the soundtrack of the film.  The dvd has 8 deleted scenes, one of which is exploitive in my opinion.  Why?  Showing nudity just to show it is wrong in my opinion.  A cool bonus is six scenes with multiple angles.  Finally, two commentaries are available for your listening pleasure.

7/10




Tuesday, June 5, 2012

pistachio pistachio

I liked the ice cream, kind of simple but still good. However, I doubt I would regurally buy this ice cream since it was a bland ice cream, it didn't have any pazz.
 
6/10

Monday, June 4, 2012

bigot candy

I find it funny that if you disagree with gay marriage, they label you as a "bigot." really? I can guarantee you that most who do not agree with gay marriage do not wish harm on gay people; in fact i bet that they have gay and lesbian friends. Yea its a whole lot easier to label someone, instead of bothering to find out why they believe what they believe.  When you do that its called "intolerance." 

However, if somebody wants to harm, or kill a gay or lesbian that is bigoted and racist.  In addition, holding up signs saying their going to burn in hell isn't great either, all that does is show whats in the persons heart who is holding the sign.

a complicated issue...

Thursday, May 31, 2012

movie notebook database

11.18.2011 (started)

8 women 8/10, 9th company 6/10, 30 minutes or less 5/10

along came a spider 6/10, the astronaut's wife 6/10

bambi 8/10, basketball diaries 6/10, battle: los angeles 5/10, blue crush 5/10, bolt 6/10, bowling for columbine 7/10, a bridge to far 5/10

carry me home 5/10, the cheap dective 6/10, clue 5/10, coraline 5/10, cyrus 3/10

dead silence 5/10, devil in a blue dress 7/10, the double 6/10, drive angry 4/10

evelyn 7/10

fair game 6/10, the firm 8/10, fish tank 7/10, forbidden planet 7/10

...and god created woman 8/10, gorky park 8/10, green hornet 5/10

harry & the hendersons 6/10, hereafter 5/10, high and low 7/10, history of the world part 1 4/10

i shot andy warhol 3/10

the kings speech 6/10

let me in 6/10

mary & max 8/10, the mission 6/10, mogambo 7/10

nbc news presents - deep throat 8/10, now, voyager 7/10

over the hedge 5/10

patriot games 6/10, prince of tides 6/10

restrepo 7/10, rise of the planet of the apes (2011) 7/10, robocop 5/10

soylent green 6/10, splendor in the grass 7/10, swordfish 7/10

the time machine (1960) 6/10, the tin drum 5/10, throne of blood 6/10

unstoppable 8/10

warrior 6/10, with honor 6/10

the x-files 7/10, the x-files: i want to believe 6/10, x-men: first class 6/10

yogi bear 6/10

approved
the 400 blows, che, conviction (2010), dr. zhivago, father of the bride, ikiru, margin call, sarah's key, sunset boulevard, winter's bone

5.30.2012 (finished)